I am Mery and among other interesting and colorful adjectives used to describe myself and the things I do, one has remained prominent in my mind: I am a repeat forgetter.
Lots of people seem to be asking the same question a lot lately, “How are you?” There is this slight insinuation that I most definitely MUST be crazy, what with three kids and all. And they’re correct in assuming that for parts of my day I am totally bat-shit crazy. And you’d also be correct to assume that I am perfectly well…for split seconds of the day. I can cluster together a whole hour or two some days.
Life is a series of forgetting and remembering.
I am running around chasing tornadoes trying to keep the house in order so when so-and-so show up, my house is clean. I have watched myself bounce from one chore to task to phone call to returned email to organizing drawer to another…I HAVE FORGOTTEN. The single most important part of my day is, to-love. Have I listened, really listened to Otto today? Have I sat still and ran thru our song list with Hobbs? Did Hugo and I make eye contact today or was I checking my FB app while we last nursed? Have I fed myself? I’m not talking extremes of anything at all. I won’t be throwing my iPhone away and moving into a tent anytime soon. I’m just working a little more with remembering whats truly important. And while a somewhat clean and organized house feels nice it isn’t necessary for my happiness and definitely not for my kids’s . Who benefits from a clean house and an absent parent?
Laying awake stressed about what will come of this and this? FORGOT. Again. There’s really only so much one can do at 10pm in her boxer shorts. Right now is not the best time to make decisions or try to fix anything…. except a sandwich. The unknown is like a tube of Pringles. Once I ‘pop’ I won’t stop. I will go further and further into the hole of what-if’s until I hit bottom. I will project a bleak outcome and freak out about buying the thing that’s on sale for a dime less that I have to drive an extra 20 minutes to get. Then, I remember that God is BIG and I am sandwhich’d in the middle of That Love and a whole lot of lovely people. I buy the one not on sale. In the end, I save time, money and mostly peace of mind.
Today as we drove home from school in the most ridiculous display of rain, we saw a guy holding a cardboard sign. Otto wanted to know, why? Why was he standing in the rain holding that sign? “Hungry. Anything Helps. God Bless” I relayed the message exactly. “Oh, I get it. He has a little food, (holding his fingers as if he were pinching an ant) Well, that’s ok ’cause we have so many foods we can give him.” I forget. Somedays I forget that by all means we are rich. I don’t always buy new retail clothes and we definitely have a budget that we stick to- but we RICH. All of our basic needs and then some are met. Rich, rich, rich! We ended up delivering three McChickens and three coffee’s to the three men crouched beneath the bridge. Otto’s final response, “Mom, I love everyone just like they are.” He remembered. Otto is a freaking love-ninja. Today in his little four year old mind he remembered to love people just as they are, meet them where they’re at in life and for goodness sake, share what you can.
I’m so grateful for this one sliver of a moment when I can remember to give freely, love on my babies (in ways they understand) and to share some of myself with you. I hope that you’ll be kind to yourself today. I find it much easier to give away what I already have, so filleth up yo’ cup babe.