I JUST got home from the Ocean trip. Hours ago. 9 hours in the car Saturday and 2 hours Sunday. We just couldn’t make the last few work. Three kids, a wrong turn, a bad choice at Quiznos. You get the picture. Mayhem. The trip in its entirety was about as close to perfect as it comes. Siblings played together, the weather permitted frolicking and even when it didn’t we did.
I tend to feel closest to God when I’m at the ocean. This trip was no exception to that. I imagine it being like Times Square in New York. Standing in the center there surrounded by the masses of people and buildings-all that energy… it’s humbling. To know that I AM NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. Even though sometimes, I am all I can think about which implies being in the center, but that’s self-centerdness. What’s humbling is knowing my place in the world. No better, no worse. A person among persons. Here is the way Janet explained humility to me, ‘ simply the ability to ask for help.’ When I’m aware of my place in the world I’m aware that I need help. Upon arrival I asked God, in the dressing of the Ocean that day, for help. Help! I’m addiceted to status updates and ‘likes’. Hobbs is going to have heart surgery which if we’re being honest scares the hell out of me even though I totally believe in God, help. I’ve been snappy and crabby and a little porcupine-ish the last few weeks…I’m stuffing handfuls of chocolate chips down my throat multiple times a day: help, help, help.
I don’t know how exactly IT happened. I just know that it did. I got the help I was looking for. It came in waves of family dog pile cuddle sessions and building our dam or as Otto calls it “damp”, at the ocean. (see below) Help came in the quiet sun warmed bed, in riding horseback down the beach with Tay and watching three beautiful babes lift their hands to the sky in praise! Hobbs would even bow. He’d press his head into the sand to feel its give and then raise fistful’s of sand to the sky, I felt like he was saying “Victory!” I think he knows/has known that we’ve already won. So we don’t have to fight. We can just go to the ocean and play at the park and just live. We can do it. Little by little, day by day, make a go of it. Try again. Dust ourselves off and keep moving forward.