Disneyland

That magical far off place you thought only existed in the movies. A place you heard of others going to, but never thought in a million years you’d get to go and get your very own ears. A place where dreams imagined become dreams realized.

This girl just found out she’s going to Disneyland. No, not the theme park. The metaphoric Disneyland of performing arts. I was accepted to the Listen To Your Mother show. As I told the producers, I’m feeling thrilled, giddy and a little weepy. While getting cast in the show is amazing it’s also about the being-ok-no-matter-what attitude I was afforded during this waiting period. I had prayed to my higher power and asked for peace and desired freedom from obsession and guess what? It worked. Not %100 because I’m still me, but there were definite moments of freedom from obsession, over-analyzing and self-doubt. It left a lot of room for joy.

During my audition I had this moment of remembrance for the previous shows I auditioned for got cast in and then never showed up for. “Hello Dolly” and “Jesus Christ Superstar” are perfect examples of how alcohol and drugs and people pleasing got the best of me. I was all good with having my name printed in the program I just didn’t want to rehearse my lines. Much like high school, give me the letterman’s jacket, never mind practice. My wanting to appear to be a certain way has nearly killed me. As a friend of mine says, “My ego ain’t my amigo” and she’s right. This audition was a check off on my bucket list in sobriety. A chance to right the wrong in some way. I showed up for my audition on time and fully prepared. I did what I came there to do. I was grateful for the opportunity and I left bursting with excitement. That was it. It could have ended there and still been a success story in my book. This time it didn’t. It’s my turn this time, and next time it may be someone else’s turn. Who knows, maybe YOUR turn?

A thank you to those of you who have encouraged me to continue writing and to go for the things that scare me the most. You have helped me to believe the best about myself. My dear friend says, “We live in world of abundance,” there’s enough beauty and good stuff for all of us. I’m starting to get that a little more these days. Gather your wildest dreams like a pretty bouquet of flowers and take a big whiff. I smell a story…

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12 thoughts on “Disneyland

  1. Congrats! Let us know when it will be showing. Would love to head over to see you! As always, loving the blog posts.

  2. You are such an amazing star, in all senses of the word. When does the play begin and where? I’d like to come see it and you. I’ve got a former classmate/best friend and a cousin who live there that I can also see. It’s such a good excuse. Shine on!

  3. Mery! Congratulations!!! I am excited for you, I’m excited for me and I’m not even in the same state to go see you! I hope it is recorded. I’d love to hear/see you & the rest of the hearts he’ll in as-for-mentioned hands!

  4. Congratulations! Just found your blog via the LTYM site. I auditioned yesterday and have been berating myself since..nice to hear that you also had self doubt. I am now going to hunker down and read :)

    1. Jenny-
      thanks for reading and writing! I liked your blog… made me LOL a lot. And I like to L.
      Best of luck to you my fellow auditioneer (not a word?) should be.
      Come back again and say vagina, I mean, Hi real soon!

  5. This is gorgeous. Self-doubt is a killer, but Elise and I will beat it out of all of you ;-) We’re so very happy to have you with us, Mery!! See you Wednesday.

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