no pictures

If you came here looking for pictures stop here. I want to be clear that there are no pictures in this post. I know, so boring. I just got a head full of thoughts swirling around..its like a clogged toilet up there right now. This is a flush.
So I thought I might need to go on medication for being crazy. When I told my friend all the reasons why I thought I was entitled to medication she said, “It sounds like you’re a Mom of two kids. Two kids who need lots of attention.” Oh. Is that so? I can’t tell you what a relief it was to hear that. I pulled the formerly frozen pizza out of the oven and had myself a good cry. Shit felt good. What I mean to say is; I just needed to tell somebody all the stuff that was going on up in my head and have them not be affected by it. Honesty above all. But sometimes our truth hurts people we love, so we choose wisely when and where. For this recovering alcoholic/people pleasing/obsessive/extremist the truth is the only way out. The only way out of the dark and into the light. I read in this book that when we tell God the truth we’re the closest to Him. That resonated with me. Solid information. Janet used to pray, “Show me what you want me to do and I’ll do it, but I’m not gonna like it so you better damn well help.” Still makes me smile. If you knew Janet it probably does the same for you too. So today my prayer went a little something like this, “Hi, as You know I’m in a big hurry so I can’t talk long, just give me enough to get through this miserable cold day. I love you. Amen.” Prayer, like blog posts doesn’t always need cool pictures and sophisticated vocabulary. Duh. Am I the only one who didn’t already know this? It only requires a willingness to hand over whatever you think you have control over. However, on days when I do post pictures and do write God beautiful love notes, I’d like you to notice and give me shiny gold star stickers please. On the off days, your instructions are to not bring it up at all. Got it? Good. You can live.
Nowadays I’m finding it easier and easier to: love myself despite the potty mouth, be truthful even when my mind tells me I’m alone stupid and different, accountable even if I don’t feel like going or calling, and really open to new ideas…how will I truly know if I like something or not if I don’t try it first. Elementary and basic, and this is where I find myself. On the days when I’m not bogged down in selfishness and self centeredness doing only what I want to do when I want to do it I find progress is the key element. Slow and steady. For today’s homework; Easy does it.
As a side note to prayer…I’m praying for the families of those lost in Friday’s catastrophe. I don’t ever understand these things. Just praying for love to envelop each and every one of those in need of hug.

7 thoughts on “no pictures

  1. AA has taught me that my difficulties and failures are a great leveler. That’s where I relate instead of feel superior, arrogant or complacent. A friend told me to consider them spiritual gifts. I don’t like some of them and would like to find God’s return Dept. Anyway, I love you most when you stand in your Truth and become a Light for us all. I have a perfect picture in my mind of who and what you are. A spiritual angel having a very human experience. You’re a Kodak instamatic pic permanently in my heart. May God always bless you and yours.

  2. I love you. I love your posts. Thank you for your honesty. All of us who read your blog appreciate that about you. Miss you tons and your sweet face. Hope to see you soon!

  3. Mery, I’ve gotten a new phone and in an upgrading process lost all my email contact list. Dang. Could you email me to let me have yours. I have something I’d like to send but not on this comment post. Thanks, Sandy

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