happy birthday janet

“Today is all about you” this was the last card I got to give you for your birthday. It was also one of the longest running jokes that no one else found very funny.
Finding the humor in things that were very real and very scary was one of your many gifts. How come you always seemed to know exactly what to say and when to say it? Went to Starbucks this morning… We spent many fall mornings trading nibbles of pumpkin-something’s sipping strong sweet coffee talking about everything. “Check your priorities,” There were to be as follows;
1. God. Plug into the source everyday.
2. Sobriety. If you don’t stay sober you don’t get #3
3. Family.
This advice has never lead me wrong.
You were the first and only person to give me permission to break glass. For fun and because it felt good. And because, “If it doesn’t come out in a healthy way it will come out negatively somewhere else.” This was a great lesson in acceptance. I gotta admit I looooooove breaking glass.
Blowing bubbles. Janet, you were such a good big kid. You had this child-like wonder and awe about you. After all this time you could still see this world through the innocent eyes of a kid. I miss your laugh. And your hair. And your dried fruit. And Babe.
Janet, I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and tell you that I miss you everyday. I want to celebrate you! But in doing so I must continue to mourn you. Otto’s trying to comfort me, “…don’t be sad Mom. Don’t get the wet stuff on your neck.” I’m telling him that its ok to be sad sometimes. It’s ok to cry. The same things you told me 5 years ago. So cry I will. And when I’m all done crying I’m gonna let some balloons fly up in your name. Let’s listen to this and celebrate! Happy Birthday my sweet friend!

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