Ya’ know those map directories they have in malls? They’re the colored coded boxes with numbers and icons. Who understands those things anyways? So-not-helpful. The only thing clear to me is the “YOU ARE HERE” box. That I get. Yes, but how do I get there? Way over there…
I found myself in the hardware store looking for bread, again. I set myself up to be disappointed. I guess that’s why I’m mostly mad at myself. The saying goes; hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me. Now, because I believe in second and third chances I have had to modify this statement just a bit but the meaning holds true just the same. Otherwise, I stay a victim. And I am not a victim. I am actively participating in my life and the relationships in it. My part in this case is, I knew better. I knew better and I did it anyways. My will and God’s will were not aligned that day. Of course this spelled M-E-S-S-Y. I started expecting people, places and things to be different than were actually capable of being at the time. Janet would call this, Self-will run riot. Spot on my dear.
The term live and let live comes back to me.
YOU ARE HERE.
I want to know better and act on it. I want to be more mature, more forgiving, less sensitive. But I’m not. And pretending only causes more chaos and confusion for everybody involved. So here I am stuck in the middle between my head and my heart. I know there’s a solution. I just don’t have it yet. I’m not there. I’m here. And I also know that my wildest dreams and best laid plans will only limit what God has for me. No need to rush when it comes to healing. I’m going to sit here and wait for the third option. God’s always got the idea out of left feild. The one I never thought to consider or imagine. “While sadness cannot be rushed or avoided it can be shared.” Thanks for letting me share.