just so we’re clear

Don’t let the name fool you. Just because its says, Merysunshine does not always mean I’m either sunny or shiny. Sometimes I’m neither. I can be deep shades of blue or melancholy gray. I’m human afterall. And although I do strive to see the gifts in even the most miserable of days I don’t always. And I just wanted you to know that. I’m struggling today. Struggling with patience. Patience for me. patience for my children- or rather child I won’t mention any names but its the one whose mobile and vocal and sometimes just darn demanding. I don’t know if when you walked in my door today you’d want to stay long. It feels a bit unorganized- looks like the inside of my head right about now. Someone said a week ago, ‘my look good is out to kill me.’ Preach it sista’! I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to clean house emotionally and spiritually before inviting God into the picture. Or tried desperately to sort the problem out in my head first, finding an answer and then calling the friend to report the news instead of asking for a shoulder to rest on. The truth of the matter is I have an ego- On my better days I can stand up to it, look it in the eyes and tell it just how its going to be. On the not-so-wonderful days I start to believe what its telling me. And it always seems to tell me one of two things. 1) you’re too good for this or 2) you’re not good enough .
Strange stuff I tell you. This is where the gratitude comes in to play. I get to go sit down and make a list of all the stuff I have to be happy about and thankful for. It is abundant I assure you. Maybe this is all stemming from the fact that my coffee maker broke two days ago and I have been running on pure will power for the last 48 hrs. I’m just not sure. I will try the list and some other known feel-good remedies. As always, I’m thankful for you.

2 thoughts on “just so we’re clear

  1. Your honesty is so powerful. I love you Mery.
    What I wouldn’t do to bring you a coffee at this very moment, walk into your chaos and wrap my arms around you, but you don’t need me to do that, God will take care of the wrapping part for me, now we just need a coffee delivery ASAP. Please trust that…This too shall pass.
    You are beautiful no matter what color you are for the day….:)
    All my love,

  2. Let’s be clear Mery. U radiate light just as sunshine. I remember something u said to me. We were talking about the pressures of being a stay at home mama and how it feels when someone on the outside asks, “so what do you do?”
    Remember what you do? You have the gift of human touch. Making connections. Thats the beauty. You turn the darkness or shades of grey into light by letting go of your ego and allowing vulnerability to shine. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable is in others words humility and that is stepping out of the way for Spirit to lead. Thank you for sharing yer strength in a state of feeling weak.
    Namaste. “This lil light of mine, I’m gona let it shine, let it shine let it shine let it shine!”

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