I took a good hard look at myself in the rearview mirror yesterday before picking up my husband…. Me, myself and I had decided that we would not go fishn’ for compliments or beg for pats on the back. It was decided that we, me and my many personalities, would indeed just be ok with knowing for ourselves what had been accomplished that day. Riiiiight. It took no longer than 2 minutes of him being in the car for me to burst into song and dance about the days performance. Singing my own praises, “I made two meals today, and cleaned the kitchen, and did two loads of laundry, and took Otto outside for playtime, and gee ain’t I wonderful?!” Not really word for word but you get it. I did the very thing I said I wouldn’t do. Again. I have heard that seeking ‘validation’ is really another way of seeking power. In this instance of relationships with myself, my children and my husband I definitely seek the power. Its to be assumed that in the role of parenting YOU are in fact, in charge. You’re the President and they are your cabinet of trusted servants. I mean, if I don’t meal plan, structure Otto’s day and tell my husband how to load the dishwasher, who will?! And after all this is said and done I wouldn’t mind a little gold star next to my name, thank you very much.
What I am getting to learn today is this; I am the trusted servant. The one true and ultimate authority is a loving God. I do not govern. Garsh darnit. Do I sincerely need Eric to tell me I’m a good Mother or Wife for me to believe it? Or, can I know without doubt that I am. Because today, I did the best I could. Because today I asked my loving higher power what He wanted from me, and asked Him for the courage to follow that through. Its okay for me to be excited about a days worth of accomplishments… To me the fact that I can take care of a child and a household and make meals and still have a little me time on merysunshine is a BIG deal. Three years ago I couldn’t take care of myself let alone the above so for me-there’s still a WOW factor! As I was explaining all of this to my new friend over coffee, I began to hear her say that I should hold the enthusiasm for myself. That I don’t have to let go of the excitement I feel, I just need to learn how to not take it personally if others don’t share the same glee over a clean kitchen and folded whites as I do.
Growth is messy. It doesn’t always look like yesterdays homemade chili, sometimes it looks more like todays dirty dishes in the sink. Either way the fact that I’m awake today, really awake to this life and all the blessings it has to offer is a miracle. I love growing up. I love realizing that I was wrong, and that there’s a way to benefit. It has been said that pain is the touchstone to all spiritual growth, and for me thats true. Like an elevator ride, I can choose to take it all the way to the bottom or I can get off when it starts to feel off. Progress, not perfection will be todays ideal.
Thanks for stopping in. May God bless you and keep you until we meet again.